Difficult for Single TBIs not to feel #Alone & #Lonely #Lonesome #Lone #Loneliness

A lot of 'negativity' mixed in below—I know it's

 probably easier to deal with the negative seperately from

 the positive, but it all happens at the same time!...

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I'm sure all singles feel alone sometimes—with feelings they don't think they can express to anyone (confidentially, as they hope those feelings are actually 'wrong' and they would only express them in order to see them countered—or maybe that's just me ❤).

That's one thing singles gain when they become spouses—someone to share their feelings-with, in a safe space that's almost as secure as 'where the feelings start, inside.' There, they can gain more perspective on those feelings & see whether they are absolutely the right feelings to have or (as is more-often the case) -they are decisions made without all the information needed.

(Reminding me why Lucifer/Satan is called "a liar":

 Because he proceeds as if he knows 'everything,' but

 does so with only one perspective–a highly

-extensive one, but still only singular.)

But I mention 'single TBIs' (Traumatic Brain-Injury & other Brain-Injury survivors/CONQUERORS), because a) I am one & b) I hope to help/find-help dealing with 'the loneliness.'

I know I'm not utterly alone—I wouldn't be alive today if I were so alone. Again, I'm only thinking of 'gaining perspective on my "little" (self-centered) feelings.' Those moments when I feel alone (alone in an opinion on a situation or person) ... they're brief moments, brief drops of rain before I focus on something bigger.

But those little impacts add up & crack the skull if I don't remember to repair—to heal the slight 'wound' and to disable the harsh self-criticism ... things that would seem automatic with a spouse.

I also mention 'single TBIs' because ... well, we TBIs often attend 'retreats' (often called 'camps'); mostly because we typically can't partake in the activities of non-TBI society, but partially (and maybe more-importantly) to remind ourselves that we're not alone.

(And a lot of this 'back of the mind' stuff may be "just

 my mind," but it might apply to the subconsciences of

my fellow survivors/conquerors.)

Many people go to bars & clubs etc. because–on top of the relaxation & fun & fellowship with their friends & family & co-workers–they hope to find future-spouses. The way I have to live--not exactly 'in poverty,' but not "working to keep a roof over my head"--I'm not 'appropriate' for most women to marry.

Who better to partner with a TBI-survivor/conqueror than either one who studies the condition or -one who is going through it themselves; right?

So, we single TBIs will often find ourselves spending a lot of 'camp'-time with other not-unattractive survivors or -with uninjured camp-attendants (usually med students), with hopes that we'll spend a lot more time with them in the future.

But–when we go back to 'normal life' (me, sitting at home writing & watching the entertainment; other survivors, proceeding along the various courses of their recoveries; med students, proceeding along the good-ol` life-cycle (that TBI knocked many of us off of)–it seems (I'm almost afraid to say, as it's a feeling I don't like having!) we all go off in our separate ways,

they weave back into the fellowships of their homes, and I weave back into mine—where–though I have friends & family for the big necessites (health for my illnesses, etc.)–I often feel Alone.

That word (the 'built' one below)—there might be something more to that word ... something crucial that firms the foundation upon which the our lexicon stands ...

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The word “Alone” is built on ancient words that mean “All, Wholly + One” (as Without Companion).

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"they weave back into their home 'fellowships' (activities with co-workers & classmates & neighbors & family), and I weave back into mine"—indicates that either I should change my current situation; although ...

I like my current situation (except for the lonely times): I'm ... well, I guess I could 'blame it on' a habit I picked up during my childhood. When I was young, I got a dopamine-rush from "finishing first"—not 'finishing ahead of my team or my partner,' but more 'finishing my solo work before others finished theirs' ... 'taking first place in a foot-race,' 'finishing a book (and starting on the next) before any of my class-mates,' 'getting my homework done early,'

When I was on the drumline (leading right up to my TBI), I earned the nickname "Speedy" when I won a race through Dolese Park by skipping the trails and running straight to the finish line.

It seems like that's kinda what I've done to get into my current situation: I'm living in relative comfort, watching TV & movies, 'surfing' the Internet, going to the grocery-store a couple times a week, occasionally attending Brain-Injury support-group meetings (and other gatherings for fellowship with other survivors & medical workers) ...

... in other words, I 'took the shortcut' to the retired lifestyle. I'm almost afraid to call it that, as people feel that "retirement" should be something you earn by sacrificing hours-and-hours of your life (for years-&-years) to the service of a CEO you'll probably never meet with a wage that is far less than what you're worth.

And people who work so-long for so-little truly feel they deserve 'retirement'—a decent income while they do only the work they feel like doing. Oh, I 'deserve' it too—tho 'what I sacrificed' is only "potential" work (not worth anything to anyone-but-me unless it were manifest into something real).

But skipping the 'years-&-years of waged-sacrifice,' I missed a type of fellowship that would've required matrimony: cross-carrying. When you 'carry "the cross" long enough (hours in school, hours at work, paying taxes & insurance & utilities & fuel etc.), you need to know that there are others doing the same thing, going through the same troubles you do; and you get a huge dopamine-rush helping them through it as they help you.

That makes marriage similar to 'having a live-in dope-supplier—the worker opens the door, "Honey, I'm Home!" then both the worker & the homemaker get 'their daily dose' when they experience "themselves, finally back where they belong."

Or maybe I'm wrong—God did say 'It is not good

 for the man to be alone," and another reason for that is,

 "Because the man'll think he's right until someone else shows

 him why he's not"—something I hope you will

 show me in the comments below.

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