Feeling #Forsaken: My Desperate Circumstances (Our Father (Mine, @CopelandNetwork's) Hopes an 'Eve' Agrees to Save Me) #Forsake #Forsook #Forsaking #Forsakes
I'm almost afraid to mention this, as 1) it positions me as 'relatively helpless,' 2) it's a situation I hope isn't permanent (i.e. one 'a woman' helps me to manage, not one I think will ever "go away"), so 3) writing this might leave 'a remnant' of my sad condition to hang over my head to threaten my- & her relationship.
See, I am a Traumatic Brain-Injury survivor. It's a miracle I've recovered so much that–aside from a tracheotomy-scar on my throat, a couple feeding-tube scars on my belly, a partially-blind left-eye and a slightly-bad sense of balance–it's a relatively Invisible Wound2.
But I feel left out of society, because I have not 'gone on to the next step' of the good citizen's journey. See, it was supposed to go "Graduate High-School, Get a Job, Get Married, Have Children (who have children, who have grandchildren, etc.)"
Call it what you want to (Feminist Empowerment? maybe, but they're probably not holding 'feminist rallies' with the theme "don't marry disabled men!"), but that 'Get Married'-step isn't "acheivable" the same way 'Graduation' is said-to-be (Yes, I did graduate high-school; but I get the suspicion that–the same way I managed to 'defeat' coma & paralysis–there was a little 'hidden work' that had to happen before I could 'pass' the 'phrontistery').
Or maybe it is 'acheivable' through a part of "The Wooing Process" that I'll never be able to do in the usual way. See, I will never have a driver's license since I'm partially blind.* I always thought (and I think the 'common belief' is) that men woo women by 'taking them out on dates'—something you have to have 'a car' to do in cities like Oklahoma City (where the 'Urban Sprawl'-design arranged things so that you have to drive if you want to go anywhere 'different' (from home to office or -to a restaurant)).
Because of that and because of 'the mysterious nature of my recovery' (and some things I don't like talking about), I'm not legally independent. So–though I'm 'independent' in practically every way (except for a few crucial ones)–my future wife would have to 'gain custody' of me (either taking it from- or sharing it with-my current legal guardians).
And are ladies lining-up to do that? Not for the 18-or-19 years I've been 'waiting'!
Or maybe it is 'acheivable' through a part of "The Wooing Process" that I'll never be able to do in the usual way. See, I will never have a driver's license since I'm partially blind.* I always thought (and I think the 'common belief' is) that men woo women by 'taking them out on dates'—something you have to have 'a car' to do in cities like Oklahoma City (where the 'Urban Sprawl'-design arranged things so that you have to drive if you want to go anywhere 'different' (from home to office or -to a restaurant)).
Because of that and because of 'the mysterious nature of my recovery' (and some things I don't like talking about), I'm not legally independent. So–though I'm 'independent' in practically every way (except for a few crucial ones)–my future wife would have to 'gain custody' of me (either taking it from- or sharing it with-my current legal guardians).
And are ladies lining-up to do that? Not for the 18-or-19 years I've been 'waiting'!
The word “Forsaken” carries the scent of “Completely + to Struggle, Dispute, Wrangle, Accuse, Blame” (Deny, Repudiate, Give-Up, Refuse).
The infamous use of 'Forsaken' (by Lord Jesus Christ on the cross, calling out to The Lord Our God) is translated from the Aramaic "σαβαχθανι (sabachthani)"—"thou hast Left Me," a cry of Distress.
Why am I writing this? It's my way of 'grieving.'
See, there was a period of time when I thought I was doomed to be a vegetable in a hospital-bed—with even doctors saying that I'd be there for the rest of my life (or 'as long as my parents would keep paying to keep the life-support running').
That's obviously 'no longer the case' (praise The Lord Our God), but I had to be "okay with that prognosis" for a few months. That is, I had to 'accept the loss of my mobility' before I could get on with finding my new mobility.
And for the past 18-or-19 years I've had to be 'okay with being "alone" (i.e. not Last Man on Earth-alone, as I've got plenty of family & neighbors who provide the needed fellowship; but more "single" ... to be specific, "unmarried").'
But–just the way 'starting a marriage' takes an agreement between the marrying parties–maybe grieving a marriage requires an agreement between me & 'all the women who are not marrying me.' 🤣
Maybe we need to 'grieve' the standard marriage-plan in order to see "The New Marriage-Plan!"
Maybe we need to 'grieve' the standard marriage-plan in order to see "The New Marriage-Plan!"
*And I know I could get a driver's license anyway (at least 'using a few mirrors-etc. to uncover my blind spot' the way my right eye adapted to clear the blind spots in my vision), but I don't want to be another danger on the road!
2I'm not 'a war-veteran' (the kind of survivor the linked article talks-about), but my 'wounds' are just as 'invisible.'
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